One Day I will be His Sweetheart


video, chords and lyrics by Alin
performed by the puppet

One Day I will be His Sweetheart 

I know a man (G)
in my heart (D)
Oh so near (C)
Oh so far (G)
There lives a man (G)
in my heart (D)
Oh so near (C)
Oh so far (G)

I pray (by) all the vowels (Em)
that I am (E)
he sheds light on (E7)

I pray (by) all the vowels (Em)
that I am (E)
he sheds light on (E7)

to illuminate (F)
this narrow path (Emadd9)

made of (A7)
made of (A7sus4)
breath (F#)

Oneday I will find my way (D)
and be his (A)
sweetheart (E)

Oneday I will be the (D)
play and (A)
fly (E)

as one Light (C)
as one Sound (D)
as one Heart (G)

I love a man (G)
in my heart (D)
Oh so near (C)
Oh so far (G)
There lives a man (G)
in my heart (D)
Oh so near (C)
Oh so far (G)

A Trail of a Light

we fell out
at dusk
rose the moon
celebrated its phases
and meditated
until 
we danced
the twilight

and saluted
the rising Sun

with the lovers’
Namaste


timeless
we wait
for true light

to shine right
at well sync and
sacred junctures
of mutual comings
that elevates us both
to holy lands
with holy waters

there we make love

all nights
to create mornings for you

we imagine
it brings love and healing to you

while we say anew a traveler’s goodbye
and a blessing

for maybe until another moon.


photo by Alin – Sunset in sky

She my love

before sunset at Diablerets

photo by Thouartho


Are you so near?

sometimes I miss you
so much so
like a rose could miss deserts
on earth from a lonely planet

sometimes I miss you
without knowing who you are
what you are
driven to you alone – I am all you
the nameless

tears as if an orgasm
flush without knowing
clouds see that I am crying
I try to hide
like a little girl
tears of well learned shame
once knowing….
refusal of that shame
still there

refusal of my fall towards her sensuality
refusal to live her poison in me
refusal to wear her body
refusal to see her friends
refusal to be in her environment
refusal to all
that she refused about herself
refusal was there before she died

and before I got born
then refusal received acceptance for the whatever
then refusal could not bear it and died after her

she died
after seeing him
after leaving him
after losing her period
after losing her sleep
she went on and on
and on
non stopping
she let go off herself
down a mountain

she died
she let go off herself
she said in a pure land
before the gorgeous sunset
she let go off herself

ignoring all that
deteriorating body
she lost access to
parts of it slowly
letting it be used and misused
by herself and the unseen
that she recognized silently
so well
one by one
each one of them at the time
which I met at another place later on

before she died
she dropped her fears with his spirit
down a mountain path

I got born in her body one month after that event
three years after she lost her period
by my birth that body received a period again

it was a magical girl called Marie
Marie came to her two times
to teach her body the asanas

Marie gifted her an orange flower
for the asanas that she could shape her body in
by using her breath so naturally

new breath
a breath that I got born from
a birth that brought a period to this body again
an orange rose is Marie  
a celebration  
a gift of a rebirth – my birth-  

she the silly girl
that could have been the lover of the wind
I am now lost in her life
when trying to be as she
I cannot
she was gifted endlessly
I am not

when I write needlessly like her
when I eat what she likes
needlessly
I call me sick in her life
yes that is what I am supposed to be as her life
I am alien to her
to her room – big room

she never dared to call it a house
as she just managed to camp there
hiding her fears everywhere
in betweens and corners
she was alone
all the time

her dream – only dream was to move away
but she moved away
from her loneliness
towards her isolation
each time she tried
she was dumped back
in a bigger emptier room
full of growing thoughts
made by her

she was alone
all the time
her dream – only dream was to move away

similar is mine
but to move in
to embrace this heart that I carry
I see a face to it
a sad boy lives in my heart
I saw his face yesterday
when I closed my eyes
a sad , angry boy

because she
she carried him as an … attachment
to escape from what she truly is
not allowing herself to be what she truly is

at first there was
a magical pink stone
which she found from the seas
rain – storm – to her surprise
brought the stone to her
from other worlds
where she in reality comes from
her grandmother told this once to her

the pink stone
the magical pink stone
she took from the seas
seas that she meditated to
seas that she bathed in
the pure salty water
seas that blessed her love
gave that pink stone to her
after a rain storm

the pink glittery rocky stone
was made of his heart in reality
he didn’t know

so that he could be with her
all the time
she could not understand how it kept its color all year long
she had a technical education
at the time she refused radically
to believe in  what was scientifically unexplainable
but she lied on that
all there was as knowing has always been in her heart
she always knew what needs to be known before proofs
before happenings
before school
before preachers
before words were born
she always knew

she always knew what she should do
she my love
she my true love
she the goddess of beauty
she the mother of all flowers made of stars
she the healer that lives at the edge of the universe
she the flower field of he

she said – it is proven
all stones coming from the sea
belong to the sea
for their beauty is mingled by which
they are being manifested as
but to her surprise
this one never changed  its color
it stayed as is
with her
all the time

maybe it was meant to heal her heart

so much aching
so heavy
so breathtaking
for such imbalance
she thought

I leave this body now
the universe does not deserve
the poisonous thoughts
produced by its heaviness

what she called
his lovelessness
was his love in truth

his lovelessness
was her own lovelessness
towards herself

in truth
she wanted to kill her fears
to be a match to the one love
in her heart
slowly
pulling her deep down
towards the direction
she so resisted to be pulled in

and then she let go  off herself

yes it comes and goes
her memory
her memories

I try to relate to it
activating some emotions just to study it
as if
as if
I am her

I allow myself miss as she misses
ah so feelingly
but I do not have a story to remember
it can be anything
I just see the energy of it
the potential
I just see I am not she
while using this body
I just know I shall not need to descend
to waste time

the now is different
although may look the same
could look -the same- to her eyes
the now with these objects that she was so much  scared of

I wonder if she even once had
the now
here?

maybe
maybe not
maybe yes
then maybe she is all the healing flower fields that I am born as

growing  all along that one side of the mountain
the highest one in this universe
changing my colors ceaselessly
as a true match
to his iron love
I unconditionally blossom by
on and on and on
as one.

20150816_160612

new eye / wild mountain flower

Marie

Marie

Photo by Alin
written by Alin
written to commemorate all the courageous love

A Tale of I

written, spoken, images, video, sound, edits and performed  by Alin Diraduryan

full text as written and sound recording is below:

Because I am

there is no
what is
where I am
when I am

because I am.

but
I am
is not
because …of

when
where
what
I cannot be questioned
I cannot bear a gap
between I and I

Love

true love
only love
just love

love love

when love is
love love

he and she

living on
distinct time
are entangled

their feel
of
perpetuity
is mutual

but once
there was
a story
about a  s/he

when s/he –

once
desire -s
for
-he and she-

a separation occurs

designing
-light years away from each other-
twin particles
of opposite charges

each living on another star
she conceives
much after
she gives birth

she gives birth
long before
they make love

to he
he : her true love
and she : the daughter of he

face
the accusation
that
loops the
fears
of the mundane
of conditionings
of the hidden
and stolen
human powers

not about them
becoming
half of one
but
the faulty was prescribed
for the sake of faultiness

to point at death
or of cycle creation

triggered by
the ejaculated shape
to become one matter
within the object of gravity

a living particle
they desired for

without knowing
what they desired for

it reshaped only while they desired
and they desired only while it reshaped

through the illusion of the visualized
through the precipitation of the finite
within the visualized

and yet
something escaped
as predicted

it was saved within the pure memory of the universe

to make more of its delusive particles
as nature goes

limiting eternal awareness
of the feminine and masculine oneness
dividing holiness into two
detaching mortal from the eternal awareness
dividing the divine into two

the method of nature’s flow
the method is pure
the method of nature’s flow
the method actions by their call
to make them one again
turning the cycle of
he got born from her
or she from his love
she remained immaculate
by the time
nobody knew only the moment of the birth
brought the godessness and the godliness to one

Newton’s apple fell on someone’s head
before the stumbled hit the ground
he saw the shooting star
it was there only because of the moment’s observation
not because of him
not because of the apple
not because the start really was there
nobody knew
he didn’t know
only we know

your memory makes the object of subject for him
for his romance
or tragedy of fall

He
does not exist until you build
him
through the object of these words

beware oh
before naively putting words on universe
creating temporary images
on pure memory
little films living in a puff
to come and go at a place that does not exist even

beware oh
before creating bars of our cage by thought born words
beware for ourselves
see until when you want be on exile as such
in the deserts of an ant’s abdominal heart
see until there is nothing to see

then be
because that’s all you can
because that’s all you are
because I is free

spoken version:

Clouds of Mystery Pourin

20150905_201407

clouds of mystery pourin  

painting by Alin – mixed media -ink, pencil, ballpoint, watercolors, crayon

Clouds of Mystery Pourin (a tribute to Creedence Clearwater Revival Song – ‘Who will stop the Rain)

below with the written and the spoken versions by Alin:

I was cleaning my brushes on an old aquarelle paper
actually to start with a new mystical adventure
Preparing my soul to
embody the body and the mind
to re enter a living cloud
of dreams of reality
of dreams of reality
not analyzing but crossing
the reappearing colors of clarity
of forms
of myself
apart from the body
apart from the mind
All
They
that are the reflections of the spirit
of me
or of the colorful chakra flags whispering
silently
gently
that
it is September now

and reload me
vigorously
in the early morning
letting me activate
the memory
of the loving traces
made by my delicate brushes
the night before

seeing the deep color of crispy blue
beside the warm orange lights of the bakery
heating up the after-rain coolness of the wet and serine morning
beside a tree that seems to already wonder about its leaflessness
and about little school girls and boys daily crossing
to become a temporary silhouette
– of jewellery of color and size –
well-fit to the autumn greyness of its trunk

While it was raining the day before
She said to her guitar teacher laughingly
“I will play today -all day long- Who will stop the rain
and maybe this shall stop the rain “
“Only if you play it right” – the teacher highlighted and winked a bit encouragingly and a bit cheerfully.

I am not there yet obviously with the instrument
a non expertise state of a starter
a no experience state of the starter
but yes –
maybe I am there with my inner tuning –
of an inspiration derived from the colors- spirits- muses – past lives
where such (well defined by consciousness) terminology could fuse to technical expertise that would make the thing –
the magic touch that would start and stop the rain –
and an expertise that could be developed in a second
or in a lifetime
only by surrender and knowing (inner) – and of choosing (the time)
only then we can touch matter knowingly- only then we can touch things –
then- we are love- they are love-
we are they- they are we-
we carry each other’s mark – but only lovingly-
so it is only for that time –
I humbly say (if there is something to hope for at all and place it in the illusive scheme of time ) that I can say “I have hope for …a future which could have been now…
and decide to experience whatever I am experiencing physically – as delimited- as temporary –
it is only for that
that timeless moment
where
technology combines spirituality
where all the stories fall for the code : always here but unseen (to my ignorance/ to ours)
written and pathetisad and censured under the cover of various so called branded ‘holy’ to scare away pure knowledge and serve power agendas – truth is one and non-dual – yes only then ….

It is layers and waves and dimensions and lengths and postures and asanas and
of consciousness and of clarity of the self we are entering to blessed facing and retrieving and becoming one with all of ourselves

It was raining
I was cleaning
first my house
then my mind
then my brushes
wiping off gently
playfully
while listening
while watching
the pouring
letting it mix
with the ink
on a good quality aquarelle paper
that offered a very good base
to it all
and this picture happened
keeping the memory of the mountains in my heart
and this picture Yes
as my guitar teacher says
Only if
Only if you play it right
stopped the rain

spoken version:

Alin’s Leek & Cheese Pastry

it’s MMMMMMM with fresh cold drink – Beer Maybe ? Say cheeRse if you picnic/party/or think about me  😉

but What’s in there??

Inside the Yufka (I had günlük yufka in my fridge/freezer – Thank’s to loving aunties)
2 leek cut in fine pieces
Feta cheese grated
Minced tofu
Two eggs
Black pepper

Olive oil to wet the top and bottom sheets of :
Turkish Filo_Yufka
Red pepper on top of Yufka
Cover the bottom of square deep oven plate
With baking paper then
with a layer of yufka (maybe a sheet or small pieces covering the bottom as a base layer)
Top it with the mix
Cover the top with wetted yufka
Now you can cook the pack in an

200 degrees Celsius of oven 20 min of cooking

Le Pain D’Amour

Video by Alin
Written by Alin
Performed by the Mockingbird

Le Pain D’Amour as written:

Le pain d’amour
… …
Love pain
is an analyte
always
with an unknown
concentration:
HEAVY or BIG!

We
however
after testing it
on voluntary and involuntary
conscious and unconscious
sick and healthy
real subjects
(some of which have sadly been eliminated )
developed a unique method
to precisely identify that unknown

Simple and Intuitive
Poetic and Soul Retrieving
Integrates a volumetric technique
Comes in with a manual
and reads like a song!:
a unique 5 step program
take it or leave it

1.Dilute first
using teardrops
drip drip
2.Titrate then with
daily small doses of halo
-emotionally chromatic-
until
an etheric
flees (like a bird)
so the eye sees
the color
of phlegmatic

3.Yes! That’s it! That’s it!
(you should shout like that)

because it has an important function
of adding a spirit :
an excited state of matter
bearing a thrill of a child
is essential
especially in this healing program

4.At the same time (while shouting)
you should jump and catch it of course

This adds the curve of action to the program
and punctuate it
this is also the arrival of an end point

5.Place then your Analyte in an Alembic
Allow some acidic from the mourner
to receive love/ness’ basic
(this acidic is often dangerously pathogenic
so be very precise with the amount per time)

This shall cancel out and almost equate
(in ideal conditions equally) to a
Swain’s Long Wished Twain of a Mystic Grain

So that’s it – that’s the manual! 🙂

You can even brand and sell it as ‘l’amour du pain’ !
and earn your bread with it 🙂 isn’t it nice?

Moreover it hurts no one and you gotta start
from somewhere practical right?

Afterall you are the weary survivor
of an invisible battle inside from which
some die to die some die to be born again

Yeah its your choice
Yeah even that
yeah huh so wow try and you will see
it’s no rocket science really
can be distilled on site easily.