The Conjugative Truth of an Apple

Video and Improvisation: an improvisation with artist/guitarist Robbert van Nispen

Thanks to Robbert for quick-working instructions  : (he said : ‘you do not need to act’ and I threw away the piece of paper with words) and Thanks to my muse as always! 🙂

Looks like while performing and not knowing what to say at times
I fill in with so many conjunctives … :

actually let’s not look to the past
let’s make something new just
as it is!
I am …..
I mean it’s just…
it’s just wisdom
the wisd…
it’s just reality
and reality is no-wisdom
Reality is …like
what it is….
You know
You know …
of course you know But
I just…
or is that the truth?
is reality the truth?

I’m gonna note that down and
I’m gonn…
I will just write it
and we will see
what comes out
it does not require thinking of course
we know it but
when we are…just like tuning in
it’s a different …
sensational perception
that also means that
you’ll … ahhm…just need to shut up
and listen to the music just
I mean
“Let’s come up with something new” ??
You don’t need to come up with something new!!
It’s already new , every time is new
and new is just a concept in your mind
that’s why I say that
I mean
It’s not interesting what I say
I know that but
It’s just … it’s just something like
I am looking for … to tune in to your talk
and it’s not always that easy you know
it goes further than my words … actually
what you’re saying … and …
I’m just trying to catch up with you … it’s…
you go on and on and on …!
and … you know-
I don’t know what to do sometimes … itss…
I am left to talking… like a talking machine
like it… without thinking
words are flushing out of my mouth
it could have been easier
if I could just …
Don’t say shut up!
that’s all the point there is
I am gettin it now
You play because you don’t want to hear me talking
That’s it … now I’m gettin it …
Arghh how terrible you are!
I just eat an apple then
Ha ha

Naada (inner sound)

I tuned in to the lines
and met your smile
and again
in my eyes

Subtly embracing now
this gift
of the self

an ecstasy that is no fantasy
when the heart is open

your waves emerge
an immanent melody
that floats along
to draw me
a body

I stay so
In divine precision

I move

I move

the immovable

The face of
true desire

the seed

from me

in truth
there is no
no receipt

what unchangeably is

Ours is
just a play or
a sport
about a secret

never unfolding
always open

the grace
of once lovemaking stays
along various waves
absorbs me in plays
of this chamberless place

for the world
or the universe
or for your eyes invisibly drawing
or for truth

I am nude


in Gapless skin

photo by Alin , 2016
Elephant Stable ceiling detail

Matrika Shakti (inner chatter)

You always say
There is reason


It was much BETTER
That way

More comfortable


Yeah of course!
it’s a habitual mistake
to compare
I mean
as long as there are
to compare

It’s much BETTER
This way

Silent and Selfless
Light and Bodiless


Yes Alas

For a moment

I am weak

Feebleness of my

made of desirous

Pull me down

Again and again

It is just a throb
You know

by itself

Like two identical

a tic finding its tac

tic tac

a living machine
at the crown

The ocean

we get lost in
or I challenge
for a lonesome swim
a throb
is a past dream



that sometimes
pulls up


you are it]


If you know
When you know

They say
The high-pitched

the boasting mind?

A primordial

clinks in ears

You can listen to
its whizzz
Enjoy the itch

No need to relate to
Let it do its work

As long as you
Choose to
Look at
a past?

Like to have pain?

Should you wish the past
Manifest itself?

It surely will!

You will then need to objectify
and forget about your true self

To be able to relate to these things
Manifest from the past

So you shall then
Bear the pains
Of your object

Take it or
better just leave it

Choice is yours

And come here
right now

and for all that delusive act
The melodrama
of the self

You can only ask justice
from the divinity
in yourself
for yourself

When the time comes
to enter
The gate

The gate
as you know it

And as you have never known

has always been open
before your eyes
What’s left ?
For You

for you
only seeing it now
but drop

This heavy weight
At last
And for good

Happens by itself

Clicks just

Like an anchor
And Snaps
And pulls


Like a lover
Catching your hand
before you fall
Down the valley
to your death

a passage
of caves

of rocks

Follow the light
If meant to be

Through craquelures

The great Raja awaits
with a face
which you will

but truth is
neither his message
nor your love story –

Truth is the silence
Silence that you can only know
when you experience

eternally dissolving
of words
of you


Light is the sun that shines
beyond our gratitude

It is impossible not to sense the closeness
each time I close my eyes

Would that be closer than skins untouching ?

The gap: causing the desireless stress of presence

of the other
because of itself

My mind  

For what
We celebrate is
a precision of love
made of
our wordless waves
that subtly replaces
and sculpts my
gross lines
to their

We are transparent
space casts its chassis
Made of us
our deserted shells

as we fuse
to fit in things
Color of sound
now as big as
its encapsulating hall
We are time only
to heal


photo by Alin, Feb 2016, Hampi



It feels as if
I have travelled
all the way
to some past

I observe attentively
from a different story
without questioning
and with new objects

Senses from another time
do not recognize at first

Eyes render
Mind confirms

then readjusts
keeps itself busy
to avoid the blabberer
to philosophize

so that

So that
we won’t be associated by madness about space

not really remembering
just an inner knowing
the sleeper’s time-gap

I have awakened today
in this invisible skin
after the paradigm shift
jelled of now and then
to man
but with a difference

of …
its dreamless dream

I would touch otherwise
Why not!

just to refute those
clouding thoughts
just to be more honest
towards the urge
if any…

but at this place of now
Touch does not help to connect
neither does it allow to experience
whereas the desire to touch

apart on stage
As if a play of awareness
for awareness

The latter
Unmoved by the happy or sad


photo by Alin, 8 February 2016, Hanuman Temple stairs

Alas clicks past!


And so I am sure there is a technical explanation to this
I said to my friend sipping my tea still a bit heartbroken but happy

Happy to have been able to explain such complex matter
in fast – simple – straightforward way
much better than I could have ever done talking about politics or gossiping

He concluded : but my dear you know well we all live simultaneously in many stories all running along parallel planes.

then suddenly this silly invisible pretty dressed girl showed up
with shiny eyes
passionately kissing the guy in the mirror across us

under the same moon which I once scorned so cynically
while I kissed such and such boy first time
for his openness
that the moonlight shall define our act of romance

My friend’s reply swept away all such last small stains of worry regarding the current story and the past

and made me wish to equate the both as if a masterpiece
such that we have solved all the mystery of … which universe?
A mystery which seems not really happening now more than a flower’s  perception about our existence as pathetic .

I love my friend’s sincere attention and humor
and interest to stimulate the flow of our words:

but then I knew
my life story altered the other day

by his’
in -my -mind

Putting us all in this plane
that runs a version of his’
one of probable ones now
he ?

but possibly
because of something I might have done
and can speculate about at this point
just to be able to point at such possibility  

Something totally unrelated to a story that he is experiencing right now
has put us here to discuss this unrelated matter this way at this moment

and such phenomenon is maybe well known to all of us
and might be understandable by most of us

however the probable occurrence of it in the past
could have manifested objectively at this point
as an event that has already occurred in the past
is only because of what I have physically done
even almost at this moment of now!

And  I poured some more in the cup of our mystery before he has even replied

As a result of a wishful thinking! Of course I said
Which is also a result of a contact with pain and sorrow or its reverse

As Sri Krishna explains to Anjuna
‘This is the real meaning of Yoga – a deliverance from contact with pain and sorrow’

Now it is interesting to experience – even before its observation! (and maybe interesting that is the only way of observation here)

that a future act (A)
(if unpleasant to senses->an act  which in nature is disregardful to one’s own inner knowing)

has the power to activate all the means of an  event (X) (X is in the past relative to A)

so that
the event X can occur in the past relative to and because of the future act (A) – but x could have only happened in the past

to be able to manifest itself as the sole version (eX) of a (an unpleasant) story now in this plane.

And only after the discovery
The act of observation is left to us

Because of the receipt of the senses
Of the pleasant or of unpleasant

Not really taking them serious
knowing that
I had the capacity to ignore
what truly was important that time!:..:

an inner knowing
that was ignored

to touch
a temptation
of a click

opened these

one of which could have devoured us  
if we were not observant at this point

Anyway I guess my skin somehow saves me
and that’s a true speculation LOL!
Making me curious to understand
what the brain cannot
only there I knew
we have haunted
what might have never occurred