As the reflection of the sun and the moon faded away

I said goodbye

she helplessly cried
full of me
for the first time

Teardrops of
the other
by the other
Not to impress
or annoy

the canvas
of the truth of I
remained untouched

but
this uttermost cry was
maybe a cheek warming
silent expression just

in the conscious presence
of both

embraced by both

Goodbye to this roof that welcomed
our dreams…
Goodbye to this roof that
accommodated our flows
cries
highs
ties
pies
spies
allies skies
I s
Eyes
Aiaiai s ….

All of her dramatized stories
that agonize
are
to be capsized
to emphasize –
harmonize –
energize
so that
I s
are re centralized
re authorized
along the curly hum
For the game!
like the newborn tree
growing inside of me now
of
Me ?

me again?!?

but

I need not much of these anymore

and such are all things
that gave breath to us :
the in/sentient
courageously left behind
for a cry that bore generations
and such is her’s now

A means
that helped me grow
towards this no thing thing
and You!

You ?

But you…
…?

An immortalized posture of a shoulder shrug!

Nothing more
and nothing less

You – as love apart
but still with me

by each one of my shoulder shrugs
like the nameless sage of shoulder shrugs

In the western ‘who cares’ style….
We are so good at that!
So …

so ?

Be proud just!
to be commemorated as such

I will Never
pick a wildflower again
to place in my beloved vase
I did it only twice
Shamefully
Watching the truth die
Instantaneously
and no we do not like duality
But there will NOT be a third time
for such sad action
You have my word on that

I walk now alone
content with a song
of a bird welcoming
my accord

Carrying your light
in my heart
Plainness is my courage
I know you now

Your love rains
beads of truth
shaping words
of peace
that I read
incessantly
as us

knowing my duty
I go
go now

Taking nothing
Needing nothing
Leaving all
Things and
Insightful of
no things

I am you
With you
Listening
Just
To these
final
immaculate
droplets
of hers
before she willingly dies.

Trika Anu



And we divided
To make love
We celebrate
by our bodies
and gift this dance
to the universe

And I met you 
in the mist
covering endless
landscapes
where air is thin

You and I
We never speak
in silence 
we meditate
in full awareness
our senses touch

For each one of
Your colorfully
numberless
appearances
I do as if I am
adoringly in love
in my chosen 
divine roles
to inspire you

while 
we
both
know 
I am that 
complete
part of you
or you
of I
or us 
of one
of love

And we divided
to make love
just



 video,poetry,music and performed by Alin

She my love

before sunset at Diablerets

photo by Thouartho


Are you so near?

sometimes I miss you
so much so
like a rose could miss deserts
on earth from a lonely planet

sometimes I miss you
without knowing who you are
what you are
driven to you alone – I am all you
the nameless

tears as if an orgasm
flush without knowing
clouds see that I am crying
I try to hide
like a little girl
tears of well learned shame
once knowing….
refusal of that shame
still there

refusal of my fall towards her sensuality
refusal to live her poison in me
refusal to wear her body
refusal to see her friends
refusal to be in her environment
refusal to all
that she refused about herself
refusal was there before she died

and before I got born
then refusal received acceptance for the whatever
then refusal could not bear it and died after her

she died
after seeing him
after leaving him
after losing her period
after losing her sleep
she went on and on
and on
non stopping
she let go off herself
down a mountain

she died
she let go off herself
she said in a pure land
before the gorgeous sunset
she let go off herself

ignoring all that
deteriorating body
she lost access to
parts of it slowly
letting it be used and misused
by herself and the unseen
that she recognized silently
so well
one by one
each one of them at the time
which I met at another place later on

before she died
she dropped her fears with his spirit
down a mountain path

I got born in her body one month after that event
three years after she lost her period
by my birth that body received a period again

it was a magical girl called Marie
Marie came to her two times
to teach her body the asanas

Marie gifted her an orange flower
for the asanas that she could shape her body in
by using her breath so naturally

new breath
a breath that I got born from
a birth that brought a period to this body again
an orange rose is Marie  
a celebration  
a gift of a rebirth – my birth-  

she the silly girl
that could have been the lover of the wind
I am now lost in her life
when trying to be as she
I cannot
she was gifted endlessly
I am not

when I write needlessly like her
when I eat what she likes
needlessly
I call me sick in her life
yes that is what I am supposed to be as her life
I am alien to her
to her room – big room

she never dared to call it a house
as she just managed to camp there
hiding her fears everywhere
in betweens and corners
she was alone
all the time

her dream – only dream was to move away
but she moved away
from her loneliness
towards her isolation
each time she tried
she was dumped back
in a bigger emptier room
full of growing thoughts
made by her

she was alone
all the time
her dream – only dream was to move away

similar is mine
but to move in
to embrace this heart that I carry
I see a face to it
a sad boy lives in my heart
I saw his face yesterday
when I closed my eyes
a sad , angry boy

because she
she carried him as an … attachment
to escape from what she truly is
not allowing herself to be what she truly is

at first there was
a magical pink stone
which she found from the seas
rain – storm – to her surprise
brought the stone to her
from other worlds
where she in reality comes from
her grandmother told this once to her

the pink stone
the magical pink stone
she took from the seas
seas that she meditated to
seas that she bathed in
the pure salty water
seas that blessed her love
gave that pink stone to her
after a rain storm

the pink glittery rocky stone
was made of his heart in reality
he didn’t know

so that he could be with her
all the time
she could not understand how it kept its color all year long
she had a technical education
at the time she refused radically
to believe in  what was scientifically unexplainable
but she lied on that
all there was as knowing has always been in her heart
she always knew what needs to be known before proofs
before happenings
before school
before preachers
before words were born
she always knew

she always knew what she should do
she my love
she my true love
she the goddess of beauty
she the mother of all flowers made of stars
she the healer that lives at the edge of the universe
she the flower field of he

she said – it is proven
all stones coming from the sea
belong to the sea
for their beauty is mingled by which
they are being manifested as
but to her surprise
this one never changed  its color
it stayed as is
with her
all the time

maybe it was meant to heal her heart

so much aching
so heavy
so breathtaking
for such imbalance
she thought

I leave this body now
the universe does not deserve
the poisonous thoughts
produced by its heaviness

what she called
his lovelessness
was his love in truth

his lovelessness
was her own lovelessness
towards herself

in truth
she wanted to kill her fears
to be a match to the one love
in her heart
slowly
pulling her deep down
towards the direction
she so resisted to be pulled in

and then she let go  off herself

yes it comes and goes
her memory
her memories

I try to relate to it
activating some emotions just to study it
as if
as if
I am her

I allow myself miss as she misses
ah so feelingly
but I do not have a story to remember
it can be anything
I just see the energy of it
the potential
I just see I am not she
while using this body
I just know I shall not need to descend
to waste time

the now is different
although may look the same
could look -the same- to her eyes
the now with these objects that she was so much  scared of

I wonder if she even once had
the now
here?

maybe
maybe not
maybe yes
then maybe she is all the healing flower fields that I am born as

growing  all along that one side of the mountain
the highest one in this universe
changing my colors ceaselessly
as a true match
to his iron love
I unconditionally blossom by
on and on and on
as one.

20150816_160612

new eye / wild mountain flower

Marie

Marie

Photo by Alin
written by Alin
written to commemorate all the courageous love

A Tale of I

written, spoken, images, video, sound, edits and performed  by Alin Diraduryan

full text as written and sound recording is below:

Because I am

there is no
what is
where I am
when I am

because I am.

but
I am
is not
because …of

when
where
what
I cannot be questioned
I cannot bear a gap
between I and I

Love

true love
only love
just love

love love

when love is
love love

he and she

living on
distinct time
are entangled

their feel
of
perpetuity
is mutual

but once
there was
a story
about a  s/he

when s/he –

once
desire -s
for
-he and she-

a separation occurs

designing
-light years away from each other-
twin particles
of opposite charges

each living on another star
she conceives
much after
she gives birth

she gives birth
long before
they make love

to he
he : her true love
and she : the daughter of he

face
the accusation
that
loops the
fears
of the mundane
of conditionings
of the hidden
and stolen
human powers

not about them
becoming
half of one
but
the faulty was prescribed
for the sake of faultiness

to point at death
or of cycle creation

triggered by
the ejaculated shape
to become one matter
within the object of gravity

a living particle
they desired for

without knowing
what they desired for

it reshaped only while they desired
and they desired only while it reshaped

through the illusion of the visualized
through the precipitation of the finite
within the visualized

and yet
something escaped
as predicted

it was saved within the pure memory of the universe

to make more of its delusive particles
as nature goes

limiting eternal awareness
of the feminine and masculine oneness
dividing holiness into two
detaching mortal from the eternal awareness
dividing the divine into two

the method of nature’s flow
the method is pure
the method of nature’s flow
the method actions by their call
to make them one again
turning the cycle of
he got born from her
or she from his love
she remained immaculate
by the time
nobody knew only the moment of the birth
brought the godessness and the godliness to one

Newton’s apple fell on someone’s head
before the stumbled hit the ground
he saw the shooting star
it was there only because of the moment’s observation
not because of him
not because of the apple
not because the start really was there
nobody knew
he didn’t know
only we know

your memory makes the object of subject for him
for his romance
or tragedy of fall

He
does not exist until you build
him
through the object of these words

beware oh
before naively putting words on universe
creating temporary images
on pure memory
little films living in a puff
to come and go at a place that does not exist even

beware oh
before creating bars of our cage by thought born words
beware for ourselves
see until when you want be on exile as such
in the deserts of an ant’s abdominal heart
see until there is nothing to see

then be
because that’s all you can
because that’s all you are
because I is free

spoken version: